Oh, hey there.

Much time has passed. I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant. I have stopped working. I have a new (used) Volvo with a baby seat in it. Kiki's back legs are getting weak. Life is moving.

I am flooded with all the feelings I can feel. Everything makes me cry. I am ready to not be pregnant. But will I miss feeling a foot kick me in the ribs? Maybe, though I look forward to being able to roll over in bed without it feeling like an impossible task. Or you know, to put my shoes on. (I hate wearing flip flops, truly.) I worry about money constantly. I am not reading parenting books. I left my anxiety attacks behind a long time ago and I can only imagine how easy it could be to bring them right back, by questioning every move I make. It's enough that I have to read every review on a pair of baby nail clippers and then still not be able to choose a pair. The last thing I need to is to have to weigh every decision based on different experts' opinions of what is right for my baby, a baby that they do not know. That I don't even know yet.

"We will just have to wait and see" pops up in my head a lot these days. I guess that's okay, though. I've never been a type A sort of gal, I'm not going to become one now, that's for sure. I just need to remember that I can trust my instincts, and that I will know what is right when our little human is in my arms.

I am just still finding hard to believe that in a couple weeks we will have an actual baby in our apartment.
I am also finding it hard to believe that in a couple weeks I will be pushing a baby out of my vagina. Still trying to wrap my head around that one....

Kiki is starting to adjust to me being home. My last day of work was this past thursday, so today was really the first day where I've been home with, since the weekend was busy and we were gone all day yesterday dealing with car stuff. She sleeps so much during the day, but I can tell that when she opens her eyes and sees me, she is happy I am there... especially now, as she is having difficulty jumping up onto the bed and the couch. Trever will soon be building her a ramp to get up onto the bed. That will be fun, as our tiny room is already jammed packed and currently housing a bassinet, but we will do what we have to for our Kiki, as she is the original baby, after all.

With all of my feelings and doubts and emotions, I do know a few things: We are lucky to have our friends & family. Our baby is going to have an awesome dad.... and I can not wait to drink a huge bloody Mary (or two.)