Hard to believe it's here already. Next Sunday marks a year since we lost our sweet Roo cat. I still cry about her. In fact my eyes are spilling over as I type this, and I won't blame it on hormones. Kiki is sitting next to me, a big lump on the couch with her prim little paws and her grouchy old man face, as beautiful as can be. Does she miss her sister? I don't know. The grieving process for cats is not something I am an expert on. When Kiki is dragging her red toy around at night and howling, is she sad? Or just crazy? Has this year pass quickly for her?
I miss Roo everyday. We talked about naming the baby after her, or finding names that have Roo sounds in them (Ruth, Gertrude, etc) but I think we've decided not to do that, though I guess we will just wait and see til we meet the baby. Maybe he/she will look like Roo... black and white with a moustache and a freckle eye and long whiskers.
Does this make me sounds crazy? Perhaps. But I don't give a fuck. Kiki is sixteen now. Sixteen fucking years of my life have been spent with this cat. She is my best friend who never judges me, is never mean to me, is always up for hanging out, and sometimes throws up on my bed. She lays with me when I am sad, she is always happy to see me when I walk through the door. She is funny and bitchy and weird and awesome.... like me.
Trever and I were discussing last night how some people don't understand this bond. And even though he hasn't known her as long as I have, he loves my cat(s) like they are his own. I know some people think it's insane, that we won't go on vacation this summer because we don't want to leave Kiki behind. There are lots of other reasons, too, like not wanting to drive 6 hours with a two month old baby, take an hour ferry ride with a two month old baby, and be on island that is not near anything should anything happen to said two month old baby... but a BIG part of the decision is that I really don't want to leave my cat alone for a week. I fucking LOVE my cat. I would MISS her. She would MISS me. And who knows how much longer we have together?
Kiki has been sleeping in the crib. Trying on the hats I've knit for the baby. Hanging out in the baby's room, puking up hairballs on the floor. And before you feel the need to tell me that it's OMG SO DANGEROUS FOR CATS TO SLEEP WITH BABIES let me just say: I am not an asshole. I am not a fucking moron. I KNOW THIS. Holy fuck. But also... there is no baby here yet. And if Kiki needs to sleep in the crib to establish the fact SHE WAS HERE FIRST, then you better believe I am going to let her. Not to mention, I KNOW my cat, and she does not like children. She is terrified of babies. The first time she met Cassidy, when she was maybe six months old, her tail puffed out and she took off. Those few months when I lived at my sister's house, Cassidy was two. Kiki wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with her. Trever's ten year old sister? OH HELL NO. She doesn't even like his eighteen year old sister. Kiki is not interested in you until you can buy booze. Sure, she will be curious, no doubt. Also, annoyed. But let me assure you all out there in the world, Kiki will not be sleeping in the crib in the baby... because Kiki will be sleeping WITH ME. That's right, I will bedshare with my cat, but not with my kid.
I totally get the bond things. We just found out that both our cats have health problems and it's been incredibly stressful. My cat, Rocky, is 14 which is old but not THAT old and it's just heartbreaking to me to think he might not be along for much longer. He has a tumor in his stomach. We don't know what kind because they can't do a biopsy and we don't want to put him through surgery. Anyway, he's acting as normal as ever and it's hard to believe that the vet was so grim about everything. All I can do is love every minute I have with him and hope for the best. People think I've been a little nuts lately because I don't really want to go out and leave the cats in case something happens.
ReplyDeleteSo there you go. I get it. Or I'm just crazy too. :)
P.S. I think you are going to be an awesome mom!
Aw Juli, that sucks! I'm sorry to hear that about Rocky. All we can do for our animals is love them and make their lives as awesome as possible while we have them. It's sad but beautiful to think about, that you are, essentially, God to your cats. You control their environment, their world. Ultimately you are in control of their existence, to a point. Sometimes it's hard to remember that it isn't always about US and our feelings, but about our pets' lives, too.
DeleteAfter going through Roo's sicknesses, and doing everything we could for her including IV bags of fluid, steroid creams, various pills rolled up in treats, prescription food (we drew the line at any invasive or exploratory because of her age and the costs involved), we've decided that we probably won't go that route when Kiki's health starts to decline. She was in the very beginning stages of kidney trouble six months ago, but our vet only knows because he did a regular blood work check on her. She is due for more bloodwork in the next couple weeks, so we'll see how she's doing then. She was doing pretty good on the prescription food we got for her, but then we moved, and we ran out, so we got her some all natural meat foods and now she is so not interested in fancy script diets. She wants MEAT. And you know, I love my cat, and I want her to enjoy every moment of what is left in her left. I feel bad enough that she had move twice in a year, and will now have to adjust to a baby, so if she wants to eat tiny cans of chicken that cost too much money, and she wants to have four cans of them each day, then fuck man, that's what she is going to get! As long as she is eating, using her catbox, purring, meowing like a wild woman, and dragging her stupid toy around in the middle of the night like a total asshole, then I know she is feeling good and that's all I can do for her.
People who have dogs always have to make time for them, to walk them or let them out, and no one gives them grief for it. I guess people assume that cats just don't care about being left alone because they are viewed as solitary creatures. CATS ARE PEOPLE, TOO.
<3
It's nice to know there are other people out there who GET IT.