We got some big news over here. It turns out that my lady pieces are not as defective as I thought. I won't just be a cat mom anymore... THOUGH I WILL ALWAYS BE A CAT MOM, FOREVER AND EVER. (furever? ugh) This has been life changing news. I guess it usually is... but you see, I had gotten to the point where I was perfectly comfortable with the idea of never having kids. In fact, I liked the idea of it. So this all came as quite a surprise, and not a totally pleasant one. I am being honest here. I know lots of ladies are all OMG BABIEZ or MY LIFE MEANT NOTHING BEFORE MY BB WAS BORN but that's not me. I liked what we had and how things were going, so this has all taken a little while to sink in, just as it took me a little while to get comfortable with the idea of it possibly never happening.
Trever, on the other hand, is beyond thrilled. I think he's been waiting his whole life to be a dad, whether he knows it or not. When we went we had our twelve week ultrasound and saw our little hitchcock alien spawn moving around inside of me, he was crying and smiling, and all I could say was "This is like science fiction."
Now that I am 18 weeks into this.. experiment, the idea has grown on me as it grows in me and my body grows around me. I am, of course, uncomfortable in my body. My butt is getting huge, my boobs are way too big (I bought three new bras which fit for a couple weeks, and now I need new ones again) and the heartburn is killing me. Lucky for me I had acid reflux and a bad back and bunions BEFORE getting pregnant, so I guess at least I am used to these terrible pains that are with me non-stop. Besides all the physical discomfort, and the logistics that go into having a baby (we will have to move, we have no money, what will I do about work, etc etc etc), I do think that we will be excellent parents, even if I sometimes come off like a cold-hearted bitch.
I think the fact that we really enjoy each other's company and love each other will help us to be good parents. Also we have seen lots of examples of what NOT to do. And let's not forget all those episodes of Nanny 911 I have watched over the years. I GOT THIS. Not to mention, we are both cool as fuck, so it's going to be rad to impart all of our knowledge and awesomeness on the tiny person we made. (Am I supposed to stop swearing? Sorry, that will probably never happen.)
His giant Brady Bunch family is all very excited for us, as is my tiny family. My friends have been wonderfully supportive and don't mind that I never do anything fun anymore. I go to bed at seven o'clock now, since working retail during the holidays and being four months pregnant are a terrible combination (go figure) so I don't see anyone anymore, other than Trever and Kiki.
SPEAKING OF KIKI, she is doing well. We did not get a kitten, though it's still a big possibility. Part of the hesitation now is that we will need to move in the next couple of months, so it doesn't make a lot of sense to get one now... or does it? It seems like a lot of trauma for her to adjust. A new kitten, a new home, and a baby? But then we think if we get a kitten now, they can bond, and she will a friend to go through it all with. I am still keeping my eye out on craigslist for free kittens, and hoping that I will see one and I will just know that we need it. That's only happened once so far and the person never emailed me back so clearly it wasn't meant to be.
I think Kiki knows that something is up. She is smart. She isn't doing anything weird yet, like peeing in corners, but she did ignore me for a couple weeks when we first found out. She sometimes will sit on my lap, which is not normal for her. And since we got her new treats for christmas she is being extra annoying about staring at you and meowing every time you step into the kitchen. We can fill her bowl and she will ignore it. Why have delicious EXPENSIVE cat food when you can just swallow treats whole? KIKI, THEY DON'T CLEAN YOUR TEETH IF YOU DON'T FUCKING CHEW THEM, YOU KNOW.
Anyways.. I guess that's all, for now. Trever just made us tacos, so I am going to stuff my face and sit awkwardly on the couch with pillows shoved behind my back. I plan to write in this more often, which will be much easier now that I have a new-to-me laptop (christmas gift from the best dude I know) and I will also start scanning the years' worth of polaroids that I've accumulated and done nothing with. This means that Collecting Time will be updated in 2013, so do check back if you enjoy photos of cats, branches, bricks, shadows, and empty places.
BYE.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Sunday, September 30, 2012
twenty two days ago
That was the last time I wrote on this thing. What has happened since then? Well, it's officially FALL, which is great. I am so glad. Now if only I knew where my tights and sweaters are, since I packed them away before we moved, but I don't know in what. Probably in the mountain of shit in our storage space. Not that it will matter much if I find them, as I've easily put on fifteen pounds since last fall, so it may be time to invest in some new tights. Too tight tights? NO THANK YOU. (I am currently wearing one of the two pairs I could locate. Right now, I feel like sausage in casing.)
Fall into winter is a busy time at work, and in life, I guess. I will be turning 34 in a couple weeks, and things are changing in some pretty major ways, most of which I will not discuss on here, but I will say this: when you aren't expecting things is when they will happen.
We brought Kiki in to see her boyfriend (the vet) to check out her scabby chin and get an overall check up & senior blood work done.
(Here's where I brag for a moment about just how GOOD Kiki is at the vet. She may cry in the car, but once she is there, she never puts up a fight, even when he scrapes the plaque off her teeth with his thumbnail. She has not once scratched a vet, not in al her fifteen years. Watch, I probably just jinxed myelf and next time she will tear someone up...)
He asked us how she was doing, being the only cat and what not, and then recommended that if we DO decide to get another cat, we SHOULD get a KITTEN.
THIS IS EXCITING NEWS. Especially because the Quincy Animal Shelter is loaded up with them right now. In fact, this weekend they were having a "Kitten Klearance" Adoption Weekend, as they have over SEVENTY kittens available. We are going to check with the landlord to make sure it's okay if we have two cats (I've never understood the only-one-cat-rule. What's two cats when you already have one, really?) and once we get the okay, we will go pick out Kiki's new kitten. I wish we could bring her along to choose. I have a bunch of days off around my birthday, and all of our possible plans have not worked out, so I have no plans. Perfect time to stay home with cats, I'd say.
Maybe we will name the new cat Birthday.
Fall into winter is a busy time at work, and in life, I guess. I will be turning 34 in a couple weeks, and things are changing in some pretty major ways, most of which I will not discuss on here, but I will say this: when you aren't expecting things is when they will happen.
We brought Kiki in to see her boyfriend (the vet) to check out her scabby chin and get an overall check up & senior blood work done.
(Here's where I brag for a moment about just how GOOD Kiki is at the vet. She may cry in the car, but once she is there, she never puts up a fight, even when he scrapes the plaque off her teeth with his thumbnail. She has not once scratched a vet, not in al her fifteen years. Watch, I probably just jinxed myelf and next time she will tear someone up...)
He asked us how she was doing, being the only cat and what not, and then recommended that if we DO decide to get another cat, we SHOULD get a KITTEN.
THIS IS EXCITING NEWS. Especially because the Quincy Animal Shelter is loaded up with them right now. In fact, this weekend they were having a "Kitten Klearance" Adoption Weekend, as they have over SEVENTY kittens available. We are going to check with the landlord to make sure it's okay if we have two cats (I've never understood the only-one-cat-rule. What's two cats when you already have one, really?) and once we get the okay, we will go pick out Kiki's new kitten. I wish we could bring her along to choose. I have a bunch of days off around my birthday, and all of our possible plans have not worked out, so I have no plans. Perfect time to stay home with cats, I'd say.
Maybe we will name the new cat Birthday.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
I can't believe it's September.
We have not adopted a second cat. It's still a thing we think about and talk about, but I think maybe it's not what Kiki wants after all. We've started leaving the radio on for her during the day, and it turns out that maybe she just really wanted to listen to NPR for eight hours a day. WHO KNEW! She is so informed now.
So far the only problem with this plan has been the night we went to Amber's graduation party and we spent the night to be safe. We left the radio on in the bedroom for her. The volume of it at noon on saturday when we left was perfectly acceptable. That same volume at 5 am on Sunday morning blaring out of open bedroom windows, not so much. When we pulled into the driveway, I heard people talking. I thought WHO THE HECK IS UP SO EARLY AND WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT and then I realized what it was, and I felt like a giant asshole.
It hasn't happened again.
Anyways.
We are nearly settled. The tiles are scraped in the bathroom, so we can see the original lovely sea green/aqua. We still need to fix the grout, and we plan on replacing the bathoom faucet. It works fine, but it's gross. Pretty gross. Too gross to actually feel clean when you clean it. So even though we rent, and we won't be here forever, we are going to replace it. Just like we did with the kitchen. It's amazing, it's such a small thing to do and it makes the BIGGEST difference. Try it the next time you move into an old apartment.
I have a little workspace set up in the corner of our "diningroom". It's gets the quotes, because while it has a table and chairs and a hutch with dishware, it also houses the aforementioned workspace, (made up of our old tiny table and some strategically placed shelves) a bookcase, more books in the hutch, the plant cart, and the two fifty gallon tanks filled with water where Ethyl, Bertha, Bruce, and Little Turtle* live. Also my giant closet. So it's just a big mish mosh, like everything else in my life, which is fine with me.
Speaking of the turtles, Ethyl & Bertha let me stroke their heads. LT likes to be hand fed one piece of food before he will eat anything else in the water. Bruce doesn't really want to interact. It's fine. I am like that often, too, Bruce, so I understand. Kiki is only interested in LT and Bruce when she has had a lot of catnip. Not a little. She needs a whole pile to roll in, only then does she notice their presence, and it's a pretty awesome sight.
It's hard to believe it's almost the middle of September. I turn 34 years old in a little over one month. It's hard to believe it, sometimes.
*Little Turtle is the only turtle with his original name. I renamed the other three. Little Turtle is also known as LT or Lawrence Taylor.
So far the only problem with this plan has been the night we went to Amber's graduation party and we spent the night to be safe. We left the radio on in the bedroom for her. The volume of it at noon on saturday when we left was perfectly acceptable. That same volume at 5 am on Sunday morning blaring out of open bedroom windows, not so much. When we pulled into the driveway, I heard people talking. I thought WHO THE HECK IS UP SO EARLY AND WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT and then I realized what it was, and I felt like a giant asshole.
It hasn't happened again.
Anyways.
We are nearly settled. The tiles are scraped in the bathroom, so we can see the original lovely sea green/aqua. We still need to fix the grout, and we plan on replacing the bathoom faucet. It works fine, but it's gross. Pretty gross. Too gross to actually feel clean when you clean it. So even though we rent, and we won't be here forever, we are going to replace it. Just like we did with the kitchen. It's amazing, it's such a small thing to do and it makes the BIGGEST difference. Try it the next time you move into an old apartment.
I have a little workspace set up in the corner of our "diningroom". It's gets the quotes, because while it has a table and chairs and a hutch with dishware, it also houses the aforementioned workspace, (made up of our old tiny table and some strategically placed shelves) a bookcase, more books in the hutch, the plant cart, and the two fifty gallon tanks filled with water where Ethyl, Bertha, Bruce, and Little Turtle* live. Also my giant closet. So it's just a big mish mosh, like everything else in my life, which is fine with me.
Speaking of the turtles, Ethyl & Bertha let me stroke their heads. LT likes to be hand fed one piece of food before he will eat anything else in the water. Bruce doesn't really want to interact. It's fine. I am like that often, too, Bruce, so I understand. Kiki is only interested in LT and Bruce when she has had a lot of catnip. Not a little. She needs a whole pile to roll in, only then does she notice their presence, and it's a pretty awesome sight.
It's hard to believe it's almost the middle of September. I turn 34 years old in a little over one month. It's hard to believe it, sometimes.
*Little Turtle is the only turtle with his original name. I renamed the other three. Little Turtle is also known as LT or Lawrence Taylor.
Monday, August 13, 2012
I guess we are still grieving.
I know that the humans in our household are still missing Roo. It happens every now and then, we find another picture of her tucked into a book, or find one of her mice with the half chewed tails. At least we have the comfort of knowing we did what was right for her. We are aware. But what about Kiki?
Since we got home from vacation, she cries at night. It's a howling sort of mrow sound, and it's very loud. She starts at the opposite end of the apartment, getting louder as she makes her way into the bedroom. I, of course, wake up. She will jump on the bed, continue her pitiful cries, until I force her to lay down next to me. Sometimes she will stop, and lay still. Other times, she will wriggle out of my arms and sit on my pillow, behind my head, and continue with her yowls, only now RIGHT IN MY EAR and close enough to my face that I can smell her old cat breath.
This happens three to four times a night.
It's like we live with a newborn, only one that has four legs and a rotten mouth.
At first I thought maybe she was going deaf (my old cat at my mom's started yowling a lot after her hearing went) or starting to get senile. Her hearing seems fine, though. She is not looking for food, as we have started giving her some before we go to bed JUST IN CASE that was the problem. It's not.
So I started googling. Web MD for cats is a bad place. But I found some other useful sites. I read that some cats, like people, take a long time to adjust after they lose a companion. And I suppose moving a couple months after losing her sister, and then we leave for a week and she was alone at night for the first time in life, did a real number on her.
Some things I read said that if you have two cats, and you know one is going to die, that you introduce a new cat before that happens. Well, I know it's too late for that, obviously, but then I get mad at the past, cause that was my argument for years with my ex, that we needed a third cat, the cats needed the third cat, and he always fought me on it. I let him win, even though I KNEW it was the right thing. And of course, after he left and I bounced around apartments, trying to adjust to my new life, is when Roo first started getting sick, and there was no way I could juggle a sick cat, Kiki, and a new cat, especially when I moved five times in a year and a half.
I know, I know, I sound bitter. BUT I TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING BY MY GIRLS and now my poor Kiki is lonely and old. I am afraid that a kitten will make her feel like she is being replaced, and I think that another girl cat could cause problems. Maybe a two year old boy cat, who's a little lazy, will be the just the thing?
I have no idea. I wish she could just TELL ME what she wanted. And I wish I could sleep through the night without a banshee cat waking me up.
(If you are reading this and you have experience with sibling cats and one dying before the other, let me know your thoughts. Thank you.)
Since we got home from vacation, she cries at night. It's a howling sort of mrow sound, and it's very loud. She starts at the opposite end of the apartment, getting louder as she makes her way into the bedroom. I, of course, wake up. She will jump on the bed, continue her pitiful cries, until I force her to lay down next to me. Sometimes she will stop, and lay still. Other times, she will wriggle out of my arms and sit on my pillow, behind my head, and continue with her yowls, only now RIGHT IN MY EAR and close enough to my face that I can smell her old cat breath.
This happens three to four times a night.
It's like we live with a newborn, only one that has four legs and a rotten mouth.
At first I thought maybe she was going deaf (my old cat at my mom's started yowling a lot after her hearing went) or starting to get senile. Her hearing seems fine, though. She is not looking for food, as we have started giving her some before we go to bed JUST IN CASE that was the problem. It's not.
So I started googling. Web MD for cats is a bad place. But I found some other useful sites. I read that some cats, like people, take a long time to adjust after they lose a companion. And I suppose moving a couple months after losing her sister, and then we leave for a week and she was alone at night for the first time in life, did a real number on her.
Some things I read said that if you have two cats, and you know one is going to die, that you introduce a new cat before that happens. Well, I know it's too late for that, obviously, but then I get mad at the past, cause that was my argument for years with my ex, that we needed a third cat, the cats needed the third cat, and he always fought me on it. I let him win, even though I KNEW it was the right thing. And of course, after he left and I bounced around apartments, trying to adjust to my new life, is when Roo first started getting sick, and there was no way I could juggle a sick cat, Kiki, and a new cat, especially when I moved five times in a year and a half.
I know, I know, I sound bitter. BUT I TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING BY MY GIRLS and now my poor Kiki is lonely and old. I am afraid that a kitten will make her feel like she is being replaced, and I think that another girl cat could cause problems. Maybe a two year old boy cat, who's a little lazy, will be the just the thing?
I have no idea. I wish she could just TELL ME what she wanted. And I wish I could sleep through the night without a banshee cat waking me up.
(If you are reading this and you have experience with sibling cats and one dying before the other, let me know your thoughts. Thank you.)
Monday, July 30, 2012
The month of July.
This month has been all kinds of crazy: moving, unpacking (still not quite done, what the hell?), meeting UHH YEAH DUDE (best night of my life), seeing mc chris on the opening night of his tour (before the whole reddit crying video debacle) and then going on vacation for a week in Maine with my family (I could use another vacation after that vacation, whoa boy)
AND now it's almost August, which means summer is pretty much over, and I have not yet been swimming. I do not count jumping in the ocean and then getting back out cause it was freezing.
I was really worried about leaving Kiki while we were in Maine. Amber (cat aunt) cat-sat, which was SO helpful, but she couldn't be there every night sleeping over, so I imagine Kiki wandered around the apartment, meowing loudly and wondering where we were. After all, she was all alone. Every other time I've gone on vacation, she was at least with her sister, but not this time. I wish she could tell me if she was lonely. Trever has moved his four aquatic turtles into our home, so there are two large tanks to watch, but she doesn't really seem too interested in them at all. We know of a neighborhood cat that likes to hang out on our backporch occasionally, so when Kiki gets to go out there, she spends most of the time sniffing corners (probably where he has sprayed. He has the biggest furry catballs ever) so she is definitely aware that there are other cats close by. Does she want to meet them? Befriend them? Scratch their eyes out? Or hide in my closet?
Is she ready for a friend yet? Or it is best to let her live out the rest of her life as a spoiled only cat? This is tormenting me. I know, there are so many other more important things in the world to think about, but right now I just want to focus on my cat.
(who knows if we humans are ready yet...)
AND now it's almost August, which means summer is pretty much over, and I have not yet been swimming. I do not count jumping in the ocean and then getting back out cause it was freezing.
I was really worried about leaving Kiki while we were in Maine. Amber (cat aunt) cat-sat, which was SO helpful, but she couldn't be there every night sleeping over, so I imagine Kiki wandered around the apartment, meowing loudly and wondering where we were. After all, she was all alone. Every other time I've gone on vacation, she was at least with her sister, but not this time. I wish she could tell me if she was lonely. Trever has moved his four aquatic turtles into our home, so there are two large tanks to watch, but she doesn't really seem too interested in them at all. We know of a neighborhood cat that likes to hang out on our backporch occasionally, so when Kiki gets to go out there, she spends most of the time sniffing corners (probably where he has sprayed. He has the biggest furry catballs ever) so she is definitely aware that there are other cats close by. Does she want to meet them? Befriend them? Scratch their eyes out? Or hide in my closet?
Is she ready for a friend yet? Or it is best to let her live out the rest of her life as a spoiled only cat? This is tormenting me. I know, there are so many other more important things in the world to think about, but right now I just want to focus on my cat.
(who knows if we humans are ready yet...)
Friday, June 29, 2012
We have too much.
And still not enough. It's the fucking curse of this shitty culture that I wish I could rise above. The need to hang on to material objects, it's just gross. And yet here we are. Unpacking and find places for everything should be the enjoyable part, after the tedium of packing and a torture of moving, but for the life of me, I can't seem to do it. My mind wanders. And if it doesn't wander, it panics. This week, I have had two panic attacks. Real ones, not imaginary or "flip outs" but full on hands-shaking-can't-breathe-can't-speak panic attacks. Thankfully I have a very small stash of Kolonopin for these sorts of occasions, and they happen so infrequently that I almost forget that they used to be something I dealt with almost daily in my younger years. It's fucking exhausting. Coping mechanisms from twelve years ago no longer apply, so I am left flapping in the wind.
I am glad that I am not the only person living here, and that the other one is better at unpacking and getting settled than I am.
All the changes in the past months are catching up to me, physically. This new diet is sad and boring. I am more tired than ever before, which sucks because a part of me thought getting rid of all the FUN parts of my diet would at least make me feel better, clearer, SOMETHING. But instead, I still feel the acid, only slightly less, and I am tired all the time. I miss coffee. A LOT. I miss beer. A LOT. I've had a few since this all started, and it seems like if I have only one, I am alright, but not always. I miss tomatoes and iced coffee and lemonade. YOU KNOW, THE JOYS OF SUMMER. And I am reading different things, that tell me to stay away from tea, but then tea is okay, I DON'T KNOW. I am going to have start keeping a food diary again and perhaps a self-imposed elimination diet.
I have a Pretty Things burning a hole in my fridge. Damn it.
IN OTHER NEWS, Kiki is adjusting to her new home. After we lost our Roocat, Kiki still maintained the status quo in the litter box, keeping her pee to the back left, and her poop to the back right. She was stressed during moving day and the day after, not sure what the hell was going on, but once she got it in her head that this was her new home, and it was just her, all of the sudden she is doing whatever wherever she wants in the box. Poop in the front left, pee in the back right, mixing it up. She seems to have it figured out now, that it's all her, and only her. Quite frankly, I think she is pleased, as she loves to be the Queen Bean.
Oh yes, the move itself went smoothly. We had help from wonderful friends who made the day that much better for us. We were so thankful and lucky to have the help.
I guess I will try to unpack at least one whole box now. Thanks for reading my pointless thoughts. Happy weekend
I am glad that I am not the only person living here, and that the other one is better at unpacking and getting settled than I am.
All the changes in the past months are catching up to me, physically. This new diet is sad and boring. I am more tired than ever before, which sucks because a part of me thought getting rid of all the FUN parts of my diet would at least make me feel better, clearer, SOMETHING. But instead, I still feel the acid, only slightly less, and I am tired all the time. I miss coffee. A LOT. I miss beer. A LOT. I've had a few since this all started, and it seems like if I have only one, I am alright, but not always. I miss tomatoes and iced coffee and lemonade. YOU KNOW, THE JOYS OF SUMMER. And I am reading different things, that tell me to stay away from tea, but then tea is okay, I DON'T KNOW. I am going to have start keeping a food diary again and perhaps a self-imposed elimination diet.
I have a Pretty Things burning a hole in my fridge. Damn it.
IN OTHER NEWS, Kiki is adjusting to her new home. After we lost our Roocat, Kiki still maintained the status quo in the litter box, keeping her pee to the back left, and her poop to the back right. She was stressed during moving day and the day after, not sure what the hell was going on, but once she got it in her head that this was her new home, and it was just her, all of the sudden she is doing whatever wherever she wants in the box. Poop in the front left, pee in the back right, mixing it up. She seems to have it figured out now, that it's all her, and only her. Quite frankly, I think she is pleased, as she loves to be the Queen Bean.
Oh yes, the move itself went smoothly. We had help from wonderful friends who made the day that much better for us. We were so thankful and lucky to have the help.
I guess I will try to unpack at least one whole box now. Thanks for reading my pointless thoughts. Happy weekend
Monday, June 11, 2012
Hello, June.
We have begun the moving process. It's all very tedious. We have been painting the new place, and the color scheme is perfect. It's taking a little while, since we are painting everything: the trim, the walls, the ceilings, the cabinets. And then there is the bathroom, which I am scraping. Scraping five layers of paint off turquoise tiles. It HAS to be done. Who the fuck paints over tiles? Assholes, that's who.
It's a ton of work, but we both know that it's 100% worth it, and when we are finally settled in July, we will take a day to sleep in.
I have only barely begun to pack. That's the part that I get stuck on. It's so hard to not go through shit while boxing it up. I feel compelled to flip through every photo album and journal I pick up. This is time consuming, and sometimes upsetting, especially because there are pictures of Roo everywhere.
And that brings me to the other weird feelings. I keep thinking that I am somehow leaving the ghost of my cat behind. Not that I think Roo is haunting the apartment, but it's so easy to glance out to the porch and see her sitting there still, in the sun spot, licking the wood. When we move, I will look out to a porch that she has never been on, and never will get to see. It's good and bad, I guess. We need to move on, we've outgrown our place and crave a new a neighborhood, but I will miss the floors, the trees, the birds, and seeing my beloved girl in all her favorite spots. I wonder how Kiki feels about everything. I wish she could tell me with words.
I am choked up at work now. Awesome.
and with that, I'm out.
It's a ton of work, but we both know that it's 100% worth it, and when we are finally settled in July, we will take a day to sleep in.
I have only barely begun to pack. That's the part that I get stuck on. It's so hard to not go through shit while boxing it up. I feel compelled to flip through every photo album and journal I pick up. This is time consuming, and sometimes upsetting, especially because there are pictures of Roo everywhere.
And that brings me to the other weird feelings. I keep thinking that I am somehow leaving the ghost of my cat behind. Not that I think Roo is haunting the apartment, but it's so easy to glance out to the porch and see her sitting there still, in the sun spot, licking the wood. When we move, I will look out to a porch that she has never been on, and never will get to see. It's good and bad, I guess. We need to move on, we've outgrown our place and crave a new a neighborhood, but I will miss the floors, the trees, the birds, and seeing my beloved girl in all her favorite spots. I wonder how Kiki feels about everything. I wish she could tell me with words.
I am choked up at work now. Awesome.
and with that, I'm out.
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