I guess we are still grieving.

I know that the humans in our household are still missing Roo. It happens every now and then, we find another picture of her tucked into a book, or find one of her mice with the half chewed tails. At least we have the comfort of knowing we did what was right for her. We are aware. But what about Kiki?

Since we got home from vacation, she cries at night. It's a howling sort of mrow sound, and it's very loud. She starts at the opposite end of the apartment, getting louder as she makes her way into the bedroom. I, of course, wake up. She will jump on the bed, continue her pitiful cries, until I force her to lay down next to me. Sometimes she will stop, and lay still. Other times, she will wriggle out of my arms and sit on my pillow, behind my head, and continue with her yowls, only now RIGHT IN MY EAR and close enough to my face that I can smell her old cat breath.

This happens three to four times a night.

It's like we live with a newborn, only one that has four legs and a rotten mouth.

At first I thought maybe she was going deaf (my old cat at my mom's started yowling a lot after her hearing went) or starting to get senile. Her hearing seems fine, though. She is not looking for food, as we have started giving her some before we go to bed JUST IN CASE that was the problem. It's not.

So I started googling. Web MD for cats is a bad place. But I found some other useful sites. I read that some cats, like people, take a long time to adjust after they lose a companion. And I suppose moving a couple months after losing her sister, and then we leave for a week and she was alone at night for the first time in life, did a real number on her.

Some things I read said that if you have two cats, and you know one is going to die, that you introduce a new cat before that happens. Well, I know it's too late for that, obviously, but then I get mad at the past, cause that was my argument for years with my ex, that we needed a third cat, the cats needed the third cat, and he always fought me on it. I let him win, even though I KNEW it was the right thing. And of course, after he left and I bounced around apartments, trying to adjust to my new life, is when Roo first started getting sick, and there was no way I could juggle a sick cat, Kiki, and a new cat, especially when I moved five times in a year and a half.

I know, I know, I sound bitter. BUT I TRIED TO DO THE RIGHT THING BY MY GIRLS and now my poor Kiki is lonely and old. I am afraid that a kitten will make her feel like she is being replaced, and I think that another girl cat could cause problems. Maybe a two year old boy cat, who's a little lazy, will be the just the thing?

I have no idea. I wish she could just TELL ME what she wanted. And I wish I could sleep through the night without a banshee cat waking me up.

(If you are reading this and you have experience with sibling cats and one dying before the other, let me know your thoughts. Thank you.)