Five weeks.

That's how long my baby has been living outside of my body!

It's still hard to believe. I haven't had the urge to write here, but it's quiet this morning and I've got a little time to myself so here I am. There are other things I should be doing (folding laundry, making breakfast, working on the baby book) and other things I want to do (go for a walk before it gets balls hot out again, paint my toenails, read) but I will take a few minutes to empty my head.

Our baby was born June 2, 2013 at 6:00 pm, weighing in at a solid 9 lbs 3 oz. She was, and still is, a LONG baby, 21 inches are birth and now 23 1/2 inches. Our doctor told us she is off the charts for her height, which is explains why her arms look long and skinny despite weighing almost 11 pounds now. She has a lot of hair on her little head. It's not clear yet if she will be a ginger, but it's looking that way to me. Her eyes are dark blue right now, which will change. I wonder what color they will be, if she will be a blue eyed girl or have hazel eyes like me and her father.

Speaking of hazel, that is her name. Hazel. She was maybe a Jane up until she was born, but somehow her size and scowl (which she got from her Dad, for sure) made it pretty obvious that a Jane she was not. We waited over a day to decide on her name, so at the hospital her little bed was labeled Babygirl McCullough, which is a pretty awesome name, too. Ultimately we knew she was Hazel, or Hasel, if you are from Germany.

I won't go into the details of her birth, unless I know you and you want to talk about in person over lunch that you bring me, but I will say it was painful and crazy but pretty fast (first contraction around 7:30 am and she was here by 6:00 pm, with a total of 35 minutes pushing) and that I couldn't have done it without Trever or Mary, our wonderful nurse who knew just what to say when Trever didn't. Speaking of him, he was so awesome during labor. No fear or nervousness ever showed on his face or in his voice, he was the rock I needed him to be, and I was so grateful. We fell in love with our baby as soon as we saw her, of course, and our lives are forever changed because of her.

She is now five weeks old. She is just starting to smile. We are adjusting to the laundry routine of cloth diapers. I am actually getting used to the lack of sleep. Some days are harder than others (she can be pretty fussy, as babies are known to be) and there has been lots of crying and tears (hers and mine) but we are finding our groove as a little family more and more each day.

What you really want to know, I'm sure, is how Kiki is adjusting to all of this. Well. She spends a lot of time under the bed and in our closet. She doesn't care so much for the sound of a crying baby. She is curious, but every time she smells Hazel's hair when I am nursing her on the couch, she goes running. But each day she spends a little more time NOT hiding, and she spends a lot of time sleeping under the chair in the nursery. Her meows have gotten louder and more insistent. It's hard to believe that's possible, but it's really as though my cat is yelling at me. She does seem pleased to see me scooping her little box again, though. I don't know if she will ever really warm up to Hazel, but as long as she can co-exist with her and still be content, I will take it. Those first couple weeks when she wouldn't come out except to eat or pee were hard. I felt so many feelings: sad that my cat was miserable and wouldn't sit with me, guilt that I was sad about my cat when I had this new baby, and then all those other feelings you feel when you have a newborn baby. I couldn't look into Kiki's eyes without crying. And then I would think about Roo and look at my baby, forget it. Blubbering idiot over here.

Now Kiki and I are both learning to take advantage of our quiet moments together, and to make the best of the non-quiet times. Sometimes she will lean against me while I am nursing Hazel, and I can put on of Hazel's little hands on Kiki's body, and she will sit there calmly. Patience and baby steps, right?

If you follow me on Instagram or we are friends on Facebook, you've seen plenty of pictures of Hazel already. Maybe I post some on here later, but for now just find me on IG, username: bontielou, and you can get your cuteness fix.

Okay. I think I'm good here for now. Later internet, I am going to snuggle in bed with my family.