Some Lists (I hate lists.)

Things Hazel is working on:

Sitting without toppling over
Napping on a schedule
Going to sleep without my nipple in her mouth
High Fives
Drinking from a cup
Drinking from a bottle
(Clearly she has a nipple dependency. MY nipple... which she is now biting. OW.)

Things Kiki is working:

Eating
Sleeping
Trying to get that hairball out
Getting more attention than Hazel

Things I should be working on but I'm not, really:

Organizing all the tiny clothes which are overtaking our apartment
Figuring out a "holiday" photo (why does this annoy me so much?)
Our Christmas Stockings, which I am hand-sewing because I am an asshole
Etsy Shop update
Some sort of exercise routine

Things I have managed to accomplish this week:

Ate a lot of oatmeal
Kept up on diaper laundry (but no other laundry)
Paid bills, paid overdue parking tickets (we suck)
Ordered new carseat for giant baby
Kept my baby & my old lady cat alive and mostly happy for another week
Showered three times
Bought moccasins (FOR HAZEL, NOT FOR ME.)

Super exciting, I tell you. Life is a carnival.

Last night I had a dream that I was on this big wooden raft with my mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, and Trever. We were in the middle of a body of water, hanging out I guess, for fun. Maybe the ocean, a choppy bay, with water that was clear on the surface for a foot until it got dark. Hazel wasn't with us, but we had the baby monitor. My mother went out on a float, and had the monitor, and dropped it in the water. I panicked at first but then I remember we have baby monitor apps on our iphones (which wouldn't have mattered in real life, since we would have had to set up one phone with her for it to work, but hey, it's a dream). Then my sister & brother-in-law decided to jump off the raft together, thus shifting the balance of the raft, so that both of their phones fell off into the water. I went to grab my phone, lost my grip, and somehow dropped it. Into the water. I scrambled to grab it but I was too slow. I watched it sink. My mom still had her flip phone. Trever still had his android. But these things were useless to me and I felt so helpless.

THIS DREAM IS SO IMPORTANT AND GROSS TO ME. Clearly it's a message about my phone and how attached I am to it.

Escapes.

One thing I like to do when I need a break is to go on craigslist and look up other places to live. Sometimes, it brings me down. Way way down. Cost of living is just so damn expensive here, and it can be incredibly frustrating to see how much more we could get for our money in a different state, or even just a different part of this state. Of course, who knows how much money we would actually have if we moved elsewhere. It's all about connections and networking and putting yourself out there when you are self-employed as Trever is, but also, carpenters can really work anywhere when you think about it. So this morning, with both babies snoozing, I went on and perused the listings in Maine. I will never leave New England, I can almost 100% guarantee that, and while I sometimes daydream about living in Vermont, I think Maine is really the place I want to be. Having spent time there every summer since I was 7, it just feels like a second home to me. We have friends in Portland. It's not completely out of our reach, to relocate there at some point. Not NOW, but maybe in a couple years, why not?

There are so many cute single family homes for rent. With porches and BACKYARDS. Some even have scenic views. If we went further up coast, we could get even more for our money. Farmhouses, or a dock. I even found an A-FRAME for rent! AN A-FRAME, people! Gahhhhh.

Don't get me wrong. I love living in Massachusetts for many, many reasons. And I think if we had a backyard, I'd probably be less inclined to want to move. I don't need to be in a house, just us. I grew up in a duplex, in a neighborhood with lots of other duplexes, and it was great. BUT we did have a backyard. It didn't have much grass, and it wasn't very big, but it was away from the street and I had a swing set and sandbox. I want these things for my little girl, and I hope it's something we can provide for her sooner than later.

Anyways. Today, instead of bringing me down, it's got me motivated to get our life on track so that in a few years, we can have the space we want/need. And until then, we will make due with our nice cozy apartment that is luckily within walking distant to a playground.

I hear a baby blabbering now, so I guess that's all I've got.

It's weird.

Watching a human grow and change, it's so weird. Hazel's first tooth is starting to poke through. I can feel it. It's sharp. I keep wanting to touch it, and since she likes to chew on my finger, this works out for the both of us. So far, she is handling it pretty well. A little fussy, very drool-y, and not taking naps very well (she doesn't do that anyways) but overall, she is managing. We, the parents, are a different story. OUR BABY HAS A TOOTH. HER GUMMY TOOTHLESS GRIN WILL BE GONE. HOW IS TIME MOVING SO FAST? It makes my head spin. Soon she will be one, then five, then ten, then in high school. Blah blah blah, oh to be a parent.

There's always a lot to do, not enough time, not enough coffee, not enough sleep, but man. Seeing our little girl's big emoji smile and hearing her squeal makes everything 100% worth it (which you will ALWAYS get if you just chant HAZEL HAZEL HAZEL).

real quick.

Even though I rarely update this nowadays, I decided to change the name of this blog to reflect my current situation. I feel sad now that I did it, taking the picture down and replacing it with one of Kiki and Hazel... but we have that picture of Kiki and Roo hanging over our dresser and I look at it many times a day, so I guess it doesn't need to be here, too.

So if you see this, now you know.

I've been busy.

Babies are time consuming. I can certainly see the appeal of going back to work and dropping the tot off at daycare. That's not in the cards for us right now, for a variety of reasons, so I am attempting to be a SAHM. So weird. I don't know that I am cut out for it, really, but I am trying hard.

Hazel is almost five months old. She is starting to sit for longer periods of time. She babbles A LOT. She sleeps through the night in her crib. She does not enjoy tummy time, she does not take naps, and she does not like bottles. She's into Led Zeppelin, Devo, The Cars, and Weird Al, but Tame Impala's newest album seems to be her favorite. And On Top of Spaghetti, sung by me.

Kiki now sleeps under the crib, or in the corner of Hazel's room where we had been working on tummy time (we've since migrated to the living room after a re-arrangement of furniture left us with more space) and is generally grumpy. She is warming up nicely to Hazel, though. She sits near her, will let Hazel grab handfuls of fur and not run away, and will rub up against her play gym. However, she meows more than ever. And louder than ever. It's brutal, honestly. I am a person that really appreciates silence, and it's something I don't have anymore. If Hazel is crying, Kiki is meowing. If Hazel is sleeping and I am enjoying a moment of peace, Kiki is meowing. If I get up to pee at 3 am, there she is, meowing. She is clearly asking for more attention, and I swear I am giving her as much as I can, but nothing is enough. Poor kitty.
I TRYING KIKI, I SWEAR.

Anyways. I've got nothing else to say. My days are a blur, and I now understand about days moving slow but time moving fast.

Thoughts, complaints, etc....

It's hot. I know, it's summer and I live in New England, but damn. These heat waves and the constant humidity suck. We have air conditioners, thankfully, but electricity isn't free. Plus I would like to go outside and get my baby in the fresh air, but the air is so not fresh. It's just gross, like walking into someone's armpit.

Money is tight these days and I am really feeling it. Not working and spending my days with my baby is nice, but the nagging feeling in the back in my head is moving to the front. I need to get Hazel on a nap schedule that doesn't involve only sleeping ON me, because I can't do much when I am acting as her bed. I have so much to list in my long neglected etsy shop, and it would be great to actually sell all the beautiful clothes that are taking up all of our closet space. We desperately need to have a yard sale, too. Our garage is packed with stuff, so much that we can't put the car in it. Our neighbor had one a couple weeks ago, barely advertised, and made $200 in just a few hours, so we really should get our asses in gear and DO IT.

I guess I am still having a hard time getting things done other than taking care of my baby, but my brain is ready to do more.

In baby news, our little girl hit six weeks on Sunday. She has started smiling A LOT. She hasn't laughed yet, but she is SO CLOSE. I think te first thing she will laugh at will be my hair. For some reason, she is very entertained by my hair. Perhaps because it looks like shit? Our very nice friends who have a one year old came to visit last weekend, and they brought me a gift card for a haircut at a nice salon. I can not wait to have a proper haircut! I don't remember the last time I went to a salon. Three years ago? Maybe. Anyways, back to the baby.

She is SO long. With her cloth diapers on, she can already fit into some 3-6 months onesies. They are a little baggy up top, but the ones that fit up top have to be stretched to get over her diapers. It's amazing how much she is changing. She holds her head up pretty well already. She does not enjoy tummy time. She prefers my right boob over my left. She took bottles two days in a row but is now not interested. As much as I would like her to take them, no problem, so that I can go get that haircut or have a couple of cocktails, I did feel a little pain in my heart when she took the bottle. MY BABY DOESN'T NEED ME ANYMORE. I blame it on hormones. I really do want a bloody mary or three.

Kiki is definitely warming up to Hazel. I have a lot of blurry photos of Kiki leaning against me while Hazel sleeps in my lap, and occasionally rubbing her face up against Hazel's feet. This all happened just today, so I guess that's a pretty good time line if I were to compare Hazel to a new kitten that Kiki had to get used to.. big kitten who doesn't need to share the cat pan. She doesn't love her yet, but sitting on the couch with my two babies sleeping on me is pretty awesome.