Some Lists (I hate lists.)

Things Hazel is working on:

Sitting without toppling over
Napping on a schedule
Going to sleep without my nipple in her mouth
High Fives
Drinking from a cup
Drinking from a bottle
(Clearly she has a nipple dependency. MY nipple... which she is now biting. OW.)

Things Kiki is working:

Eating
Sleeping
Trying to get that hairball out
Getting more attention than Hazel

Things I should be working on but I'm not, really:

Organizing all the tiny clothes which are overtaking our apartment
Figuring out a "holiday" photo (why does this annoy me so much?)
Our Christmas Stockings, which I am hand-sewing because I am an asshole
Etsy Shop update
Some sort of exercise routine

Things I have managed to accomplish this week:

Ate a lot of oatmeal
Kept up on diaper laundry (but no other laundry)
Paid bills, paid overdue parking tickets (we suck)
Ordered new carseat for giant baby
Kept my baby & my old lady cat alive and mostly happy for another week
Showered three times
Bought moccasins (FOR HAZEL, NOT FOR ME.)

Super exciting, I tell you. Life is a carnival.

Last night I had a dream that I was on this big wooden raft with my mother, my sister, my brother-in-law, and Trever. We were in the middle of a body of water, hanging out I guess, for fun. Maybe the ocean, a choppy bay, with water that was clear on the surface for a foot until it got dark. Hazel wasn't with us, but we had the baby monitor. My mother went out on a float, and had the monitor, and dropped it in the water. I panicked at first but then I remember we have baby monitor apps on our iphones (which wouldn't have mattered in real life, since we would have had to set up one phone with her for it to work, but hey, it's a dream). Then my sister & brother-in-law decided to jump off the raft together, thus shifting the balance of the raft, so that both of their phones fell off into the water. I went to grab my phone, lost my grip, and somehow dropped it. Into the water. I scrambled to grab it but I was too slow. I watched it sink. My mom still had her flip phone. Trever still had his android. But these things were useless to me and I felt so helpless.

THIS DREAM IS SO IMPORTANT AND GROSS TO ME. Clearly it's a message about my phone and how attached I am to it.

Escapes.

One thing I like to do when I need a break is to go on craigslist and look up other places to live. Sometimes, it brings me down. Way way down. Cost of living is just so damn expensive here, and it can be incredibly frustrating to see how much more we could get for our money in a different state, or even just a different part of this state. Of course, who knows how much money we would actually have if we moved elsewhere. It's all about connections and networking and putting yourself out there when you are self-employed as Trever is, but also, carpenters can really work anywhere when you think about it. So this morning, with both babies snoozing, I went on and perused the listings in Maine. I will never leave New England, I can almost 100% guarantee that, and while I sometimes daydream about living in Vermont, I think Maine is really the place I want to be. Having spent time there every summer since I was 7, it just feels like a second home to me. We have friends in Portland. It's not completely out of our reach, to relocate there at some point. Not NOW, but maybe in a couple years, why not?

There are so many cute single family homes for rent. With porches and BACKYARDS. Some even have scenic views. If we went further up coast, we could get even more for our money. Farmhouses, or a dock. I even found an A-FRAME for rent! AN A-FRAME, people! Gahhhhh.

Don't get me wrong. I love living in Massachusetts for many, many reasons. And I think if we had a backyard, I'd probably be less inclined to want to move. I don't need to be in a house, just us. I grew up in a duplex, in a neighborhood with lots of other duplexes, and it was great. BUT we did have a backyard. It didn't have much grass, and it wasn't very big, but it was away from the street and I had a swing set and sandbox. I want these things for my little girl, and I hope it's something we can provide for her sooner than later.

Anyways. Today, instead of bringing me down, it's got me motivated to get our life on track so that in a few years, we can have the space we want/need. And until then, we will make due with our nice cozy apartment that is luckily within walking distant to a playground.

I hear a baby blabbering now, so I guess that's all I've got.